Dying Sun
by Lisaslovestories
Summary: What if Bella had been too late to save Edward in Volterra? When he is killed she has to face the endless void her life has become. But can she survive having lost the love of her life? Is he gone forever? Very emotional story, tissues required.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I'm editing and reposting this story. It's something I've wanted to do for a while, especially after reading it through and being shocked over the amout of grammar mistakes it had.. **

**I still love this story, it was the first one I ever wrote and it has it's own special place in my heart. **

Disclaimer:Twilight belongs to S. Meyer.

Summary: This is what I think would have happened if Bella had been too late to save Edward in New Moon. It's heartbreaking and full of agony, just as life would if you had lost all reason for living.

_But not all things are always what they seem.._

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**[From New Moon by Stephenie Meyer]**

_-Edward no! I screamed, but my voice was lost in the roar of the chime. _

_I could see him now, and I could see that he could not see me. It was really him, no hallucination this time, and I realised that my delusions where more flawed then I'd realised. They'd never done him justice. Edward stood, motionless as a statue, just a few feet from the mouth of the alley. His eyes were closed, the rings underneath them deep purple. His arms relaxed at his side, his palms turned forward. His expression was very peaceful, like he was dreaming pleasant things. The marble skin of his chest was bared, there was a small pile of white fabric at his feet. The light reflecting from the pavement of the square gleamed dimly from his skin. I'd never seen anything so beautiful, even as I ran, gasping and screaming, I could appreciate that. And the last seven months meant nothing, and his words in the forest meant nothing. And it did not matter that he did not want me, I would not want anything but him, for no matter how long I lived. The clock told, and he took a large stride towards the light. _

_-No! I screamed, Edward look at me!_

_He wasn't listening. He smiled very slightly, he raised his foot to take the step that would put him directly in the path of the sun. _

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**Chapter One**

**Forever lost**

I was still to far from him, I shoved three people aside with the greatest force I could manage and screamed his name over and over. Just as he opened his eyes, I suddenly saw two people standing behind him. I shifted my gaze from them, and then Edward's eyes found mine. There was a look of confusion in them, he blinked once, and just as a smile had began to take place on his perfect lips, his expression turned to one of pain.

One of the men standing behind him had his hands on Edward's neck, and with a movement so quick that I almost missed it, he had twisted his neck. With a loud snap, I could hear the bones brake. Edward's body turned limp, the other man grabbed hold of him and held him up. I didn't even realise that I had stopped running_. _

_No, this could not be, this could not happen_.

My mind was at absolute chaos, no thought could make it self clear in the panic.

_This is a nightmare. This isn't real. _

I stared as the two men carried Edwards's body away between them, taking him further away from me. My feet that had been frozen to the ground for the last seconds suddenly moved again, I started running into the alley, following the men who had taken my life with them.

My mind was screaming at me, telling me that if I only caught up with them, I would get him back. If I kept running he would be saved. My lungs burned from screaming and running, but it did not matter, I would never stop until I had him in my arms again.

I slowed down to turn a corner when steel arms gripped me from behind and I was pulled to a sudden stop.

"Bella, stop. He's gone." Alice broken whisper sounded in my ear. I could hear her, but her words meant nothing.

"He was here, I saw him! If I just find him it will all be okay, if I find him we can-" I trailed off, gasping for air as I felt an iron fist clench around my heart.

Alice turned me around, and the expression in her beautiful face was one of the saddest things I'd ever seen. She looked like a crying angel, only there were no tears in her eyes.

"Bella, he's gone." she said again, her low voice trembling.

I looked for a contradiction in her eyes, something in them that would tell me that she was lying to me for some reason. Edward could not be gone, Edward had to exist, or else there was no purpose to this world anymore.

I tried to get out of her hold and keep searching for him, but her arms held me tighter. I screamed and tried to fight her but it did no good.

In my mind reality began to sift through my denial. I began to understand what Alice was telling me. I let myself fall deep into the darkness, knowing that nothing would ever get me out of it this time.

Never.

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_The chapters gets longer and the story gets better, I promise. _

_Let me know your thoughts, they are the reason I write!_


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: S. Meyer owns Twilight.**

**If you're still with me, good :) We have a hell of a ride before us, so grab your tissues.**

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**Chapter two**

**The truth**

Alice helped me sit down on the ground with my back against the cold stone wall behind me. Once she seemed sure that I was going to stay there, she disappeared deeper into the alley where the two men had gone. I sat still, I couldn't have moved if I had wanted to. My muscles were on lock down, nothing in me ever wanted to move again.

I had seen him, hadn't I? Suddenly it felt like the past 2 minutes could have all been a nightmare. My heart started to beat faster, what if it was a nightmare? What if all that had never happened? What if I could wake up from this hell?

But I realised that the pain I felt was not something I could ever feel in a dream. It was too real, too much.

"Edward" saying his name out loud made it all come crashing down. I gasped for air, clutching my aching heart with my hand and digging my fingernails into the ground beneath me. I opened my mouth to scream, but no sound came out. I kept screaming in silence, my nails began to pierce through my skin and the other hands nails were already bleeding. The blood was mixed with dirt and sand, but I didn't feel any of it. I threw my head back, smacking it into the wall behind me. The action caused my eyesight to blur, but no pain could ever measure with the one clawing in my heart.

My lips were still parted in the silent scream as I brought both hands to my face and started to try to rip my eyes out from my scull, needing to distract my mind from the growing ache in my heart. Failing at that, my nails scratched down my cheeks, then to my throat, leaving bleeding scars behind.

I closed my mouth, swallowed hard and then opened it again, and this time my scream finally made a sound. I shook with the force of sorrow that overwhelmed me when I screamed, I'd never thought I was capable of making that sort of sound. It was ear piercing and so filled with agony and pain that it made me shiver to the bones.

A cold hand was placed over my mouth, and then another hand stroked my hair with a soft pressure.

"Bella, shhh, Bella, we need to be quiet." Alice voice was low and full of sadness. I could feel her hands trembling, and her voice was unsteady, it sounded almost like she was crying.

My screaming stopped and I took in shallow breaths, trying to find the strength to speak. I needed to ask her something, but it was a question I did not want to know the answer to.

"Alice, is he..?" I couldn't finish, I could not say the word out loud for it would make the nightmare real.

She didn't answer, she just looked deep into my eyes and then she sat down beside me and pulled me into her arms. The tears still streamed from my eyes, and the salt made the scars on my cheeks burn but I didn't care.

Alice rubbed my back, whispering low words into my tangled hair. Her body was as freezing as always, and I shuddered when her fingers touched my hands, holding them in hers.

"Bella?"

I made no sign that I had heard her, I didn't even know if I had.

"Bella, please just listen to me for a second. I need to explain what just happened, I think you need to know everything, you need to hear it now even though it hurts. If I wait it will just be harder for you once again when I do tell you."

She waited, perhaps to see if she had my attention. I took in a deep, ragged breath, already fearing what she was going to tell me. But I knew that there was nothing in the world that could make me hurt more than I did right now, so what did it matter?

"Bella, the men who took Edward away was from the Volturi, they were under orders not to let him expose himself. He had been warned what would happen, you know this. They took him away and then they-" she stopped, searching for the right words.

Then her hands were on my face, forcing me to look at her. "Bella, he is gone. Edward is gone, he is not coming back. I am so sorry, I don't know what else to say." her eyes were blank, there was no denying that she had spoken the truth. It didn't matter.

"NO!" I shouted. "You're lying! He's out there, we just have to find him! I saw him, Alice, he can't be gone, he can't... He can't die!" I made myself say the word, and it burned me from the inside and out.

"He is, Bella, he is dead." Alice shook my shoulders, hard enough to make my teeth rattle. She stared me down, like she was trying to force the truth into my mind with her eyes. "I saw them, burning him. I followed them under ground and I saw them, they were all there, everyone in the Volturi, they saw me too but let me go without a word."

Why was she saying this? This is a lie, something she has made up for what ever reason. Edward would be coming around the corner in any minute, standing straight and perfect as always.

Alice picked up a piece of paper from her pocket and handed it to me. "I found this, it's a letter he wrote before. Bella, I think you should read it."

I took the paper from her and put it in my jacket pocket without another look at it. I couldn't deal with that now, I couldn't focus.

"Bella, he loved you. I think you need to really understand that. The reason he came here when he thought you were dead was because he could not live in a world where you didn't exist. He only left you because he thought you would be safer, your life meant everything to him." Alice said, but the words made no sense to me.

Why was she doing this to me? Why hadn't Edward come back yet?

And then slowly, the truth started to dawn on me. I had seen the pain in his eyes, the pain in Alice's eyes. She would never lie to me, and he would not leave me waiting like this.

Some part of me started to understand, but I had to make sure. I had to know if it was really the truth before I went through with what I already knew I that was heading towards, what I'd known I would do every since Alice had told me about Edwards plan. I was sure not to make any decisions though, to risk tipping Alice off. She couldn't know, she would try to stop me.

And there was no other way for me now, because you can't live without your life. But I had to make sure first.

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	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: S. Meyer owns everything Twilight.**

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**Chapter three**  
**Hollow**

I shook Alice's arm off and made myself stand up. My knees were about to give out but I used the last strength I had to force them to stand straight. I knew what I needed to do, but first I wanted to make sure. It felt like the pain of it would kill me, but I had to see for myself.

"Take me there." I told Alice in an unemotional voice.

She looked at me with sorrow in her golden eyes. "Bella it will do no good, I really don't think it's a good idea to…"

"I need to go, Alice, and you can come with me or not, I don't care, but I want to see for myself." I cut her off and started to walk into the dark alley.

I didn't hear her get up but she was suddenly by my side, holding my hand once again. She squeezed it gently, and started leading the way through the dark.

We eventually reached a dead end, and at first I thought that she had led me the wrong way, but she walked over to a hole in the ground and bent down. There was some kind of smoke rising from the hole, it had a scent I'd never come across before, and for some reason it made my stomach sick.

"Are you sure?" Alice asked, eyeing me hesitantly.

I nodded, and with a last look at me, she jumped down into the hole. I heard a light thud after what seemed like forever. That did not make me feel better, but I sat down, swinging my legs in the hole, preparing to fall.

"Okay, Bella, jump!" Alice voice was distant, way too far down. I closed my eyes and then threw myself down the hole. I fell for a long time, the air got even colder the farther down I fell. When I started to think that it would never end, I was suddenly caught in Alice's stone arms.

She sat me down carefully, making sure I found my balance before she let go of me. Then she looked me in the eyes for a long moment, like she wanted to make sure I wouldn't collapse. I don't know what she saw in my eyes, but it obviously convinced her to continue, because she grabbed my hand and led me forward in the dark tunnel.

After a few minutes of walking, I could begin make out a shape of something on the ground a few feet ahead. It was something burning. The scent I had smelled before was stronger here, and I gathered that it came from the fire.

Realisation hit me like a wrecking ball, straight in my stomach. It felt like I had gotten the breath beaten out of me, I gasped and clutched Alice's hand, willing for her to stop. My legs couldn't carry me forward any longer. I could see a piece of white fabric on the ground, it was burned in some places but I could make out that it had once been a shirt.

For a long time I just stood there. I couldn't move, couldn't speak or think, at least not about anything but the pain. It came creeping now, the understanding. I don't think I had ever imagined, even when he left me all those months ago, that I would never see him again. At least then I had known that he existed somewhere.

Deep down I had not been able to completely let go of the hope that he would one day come back for me.

I felt empty, like I was hollow. My reason for living was gone.

"I came here just in time to see them leaving the fire. This is where I found the letter."

Alice's voice startled me, I was so lost in the emptiness that was eating me up from inside, that I had forgotten she was still with me. I just nodded, not taking my eyes away from the flames that were slowly dying in front of me.

Something was starting to press down on my chest, like I was slowly getting the air pushed out of me. My eyesight began to blur, and then my knees gave out. The last thing I remembered was Alice lifting me up just before I fell to the ground.

Then everything went black, and I was lost in the darkness with nothing to hold on to...

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**Since the chapters are so short, I'm posting two at a time.**

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	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: S. Meyer owns everything Twilight.**

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**Chapter four**  
**The Nightmare**

I was in the dark, with the only light being the moon above. There were trees around me, standing so closely that I couldn't see more than 15 feet ahead. I was walking in a circle, looking for a way out when I caught the scent. It was the same one as that time in the alley. I turned around, already knowing what I would see. It was always the same, and each time I saw it, it filled me with the same panic and desperation as the last time.

Standing just 10 feet from me was Him.

My first reaction was always relief, and an overwhelming feeling of security; He was here, so now we could be together again. I took one step towards Him and reached my hand out in front of me. Just as He reached for me there was a cracking sound from behind me, I turned to look but saw nothing.

When I turned back to Him, He was burning. The flames seemed to come off His skin, and His expression was of the same excruciating pain that He had had the last time I'd ever seen Him. I reached out for Him and tried to move towards Him, but my feet's were frozen to the ground. I called His name, begging Him to come to me but He didn't move. I looked around me for something to put out the fire with, and realised that I was now back at the cliff in La Push, standing at the very edge. I turned to see Him but he was gone.

The nothingness crept over me, reminding me that I had lost everything worth living for.

The wind picked up in strength, blowing in the direction towards the cliff. I took one unsteady step forward, looking over the edge. The water was black below, the waves were crashing against the rocks with enough force to break them into pieces.

I closed my eyes. I knew what would come now, it was the reason why I hadn't tried to wake up yet.

"Bella." his voice was like air after being under water for too long. I was glad that I hadn't lost that part, that I could still remember His perfect voice.

"You've kept me waiting so long now, why won't you come back to me?" I whispered.

"I love you, never forget that. We will be together again soon, my Bella." his words calmed me, and I took in a large breath and let the air fill my lungs.

"Soon." I repeated.

Keeping my eyes closed, I took two steps until I was standing at the very edge of the cliff. I smiled, knowing what would come next.

Cold fingers were suddenly laced with my own, and a wonderful feeling of electricity flowed through me, making me shiver. I held his hand tightly, and then I took one more step forward, into nothing.

Somewhere mid-fall, I realized that my hand was empty. He was gone, and I was falling into the darkness alone.

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	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter five**

**Livingdead**

I woke up, drenched in sweat and with my bed sheets tangled around me. Charlie was standing beside the bed, looking down on me with such sadness in his eyes.

I didn't understand why he was looking at me like that? It had been almost 2 months since I returned from Italy, so why was he watching me with the same expression he had during the first week I'd been home, before the hospital stay?

I realised I'd been screaming in my sleep again, something I'd been trying so desperately to avoid. I had scars all over my knuckles from putting my fist in my mouth every night to keep quiet. I had thought it was working since he hadn't woken me up for the last three weeks I'd been here.

The trick was something I'd picked up during my time being hospitalized. I had learned that if I kept quiet during the night, the warden's didn't make me take as many pills every day. Not that the pills weren't a relief in a way, I liked how they could erase any emotions and make me feel nothing at all for a while. It was a welcomed change from feeling like I was slowly being ripped into pieces with every breath I took.

The downside was that they made my memories of Him fade. That was not something I could allow, so I forced my self to act normal for the hospital staff, and keep the screaming to a minimum. It was hard, since I could not make the nightmare go away. Although, I wasn't sure know if it even was a nightmare, since I never felt more whole as when I heard Him speak my name by the cliff.

I looked over at my alarm clock on the nightstand table, it said that the time was 3:14. I didn't have to look to know that however, somehow I always woke up at exactly the same time, down to the minute.

Charlie sat down carefully on the bedside, reaching his hand out to brush the sweaty and tangled hair from my face. I winced at his touch, as always.

"Honey, please, please, talk to me? I can't stand to see you like this anymore, you need to tell me how I can help you." Charlie's voice was almost a whisper; it shook with the sobs he was trying so hard to hold back.

I looked into his eyes, and saw nothing but concern and love in them. I wanted to tell him everything, but I couldn't. He was not allowed to know about the things I knew, I didn't want to put him in any more danger than he was already in.

"I'm sorry dad, I'll try to be quiet." I said.

He just looked at me, the pain I could see that he felt was almost touchable, through his eyes I saw all the emotions that he couldn't speak aloud. Worry, confusion, love, desperation and hopelessness. I rolled over on my side, turning my back against him. I couldn't stand to see what I was doing to him anymore. That, on top of my own personal hell, was more than I could take right now.

I heard Charlie sigh, and then he got of the bed and walked towards the door. Just as he closed it behind him, I thought I heard him say "I'm sorry too".

I was left alone, just as I needed to be. The memory of the nightmare was pressing on me, I didn't want to think about it, but at the same time I did. It was only in this dream that I could see him clearly and hear his voice with perfect recall.

The clock read 4:15 when I gave up on trying to fall asleep again. What was the point anyway? I sat up, crossing my legs and putting my head in my hands. Why didn't this pain ever cease? My every heartbeat felt like it could be my last by the aching that just grew stronger and stronger. It never faltered, never lessened.

I looked out my window, it was pitch black. Was it a new moon again? Just like that time in the forest? My mind automatically shut down the memories that began to sift through my carefully built mental wall. I was not allowed to think of that, but I had once, in the beginning. The pain it had caused me had made me fall to the ground, screaming on the top of my lungs and clawing my skin in a desperate attempt to focus the pain on something else. Charlie had found me when he came home an hour later, lying on the floor with the blood still dripping from my scars. He had tried to talk to me, but all I could say was "He's gone".

That was when Charlie had decided to send me to the hospital.

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	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter six**

**Locked in insanity**

I had decided to go willingly to the hospital, not wanting to cause Charlie any more pain with my presence.

The nearest institution was in Seattle, they had a well known and respected psychiatric ward, so that's where Charlie took me. At this point I was so unaware of my surroundings that I simply found myself in an unfamiliar room one day, with no memory at all as to how I got there.

The room was very clean, almost sterile. There was a bed with light blue sheets, the walls were white with a light green pattern on them. In one corner there was a small wooden desk with a matching chair. The only things on the desk were a few blank sheets of paper and a pencil. "When ever you want to let something out, just sit down and write, it's often easier than talking in the beginning." Those were the words my psychiatrist, Dr Meyer, had used when she had shown me my room the day I'd gotten there. I don't know why they'd stuck with me, since I couldn't remember anything else people had told me just 5 minutes ago. I guess it's because it remembered me about what I would soon have to go through.

The therapy session.

I feared it for more than one reason, firstly because I didn't want to have to lie all through the one hour session every day, secondly because I didn't like it when strangers asked me questions that I was supposed to have an answer to. The third reason was because her questions would surely make me think of things that I wasn't supposed to think of, because they hurt too much.

I kept quiet almost all the time, just answering the questions that would not expose the real truth, or the depth of my depression. I got away with lying nowadays since my tone, facial expression and eyes always looked the same, no matter what I said. It was easier than it should be to fool people. I thought Charlie saw through it though.

My days at the hospital pretty much looked the same, I was woken up by one of the warden's at exactly 8.30. I wasn't really sleeping, but I pretended to so that I could avoid any more uncomfortable questions. After I got dressed in the soft, cotton cloths provided by the hospital, I waited for someone to arrive with breakfast. I had refused to eat anything the first week, I just couldn't make myself want to eat. But after they'd told me that if I continued to refuse food, I'd get put on an IV to be able to get the nutrition my body needed, I tried to get something down every day. I knew I'd lost a lot of weight, none of my old cloths fit me anymore and I had to wear a belt pulled tightly around my hips to hold my jeans up.

After breakfast I was escorted to the sitting room. That was probably the scariest place I'd ever been. People sat by their selves in armchairs around the room, talking to themselves or to people who wasn't really there. They all had the same blank expression, and sat staring out into space. It was like they'd been frozen.

The worst part of my stay was when I had caught my reflection in a mirror I'd walked by, and realized that I looked exactly like the other patients here.

My hair, which used to be a thick, shining curtain of brown, waving down my back in soft curls, were now dry, worn and looked pretty much like it hadn't been washed in weeks. It hung straight, with no volume in it at all. I thought it had almost looked grey in some places.

My skin that had once been clear and healthy looking was now sallow, I had purple shades beneath my eyes from the lack of sleep and the weight loss had left my cheeks, which used to have a nice, rounded shape, looking hollow. I probably looked like someone that was terminally ill, and to tell the truth I think I was. With my dark hair, white skin and dead features I thought I resembled a ghost, I look more like a corpse than a living human.

I had stayed at the hospital for almost one month, when Charlie decided he couldn't stand to have me gone any longer. He saw that I wasn't changing, and thought that being home would be better for me. Dr Meyer prescribed pills for me to take, and I was to come back whenever I needed. I also got the number to a psychiatrist nearer to home who I was supposed to contact.

Getting out of the hospital was a relief in many ways, I didn't have to pretend as much with just Charlie around, and I didn't have to sit in that room with the people that scared me.

Charlie didn't demand much of me, he tried to make things as easy as possible for me, not wanting to cause me any more suffering.

I spent the days in my room for the most part, school was completely out of the question, and Charlie hadn't even brought it up since he knew that it was impossible for me to attend.

Alice visited me sometimes, but I knew she was afraid to, she understood that she reminded me of the one I shouldn't be reminded of. Her presence always made me feel a little less dead though, she knew what not to say and she did her best to not upset me.

Jake had called 10 times a day during the first week I'd been home but I hadn't been able to talk to him so I let Charlie answer instead. He had come over unannounced one time when I was away, and Charlie had told Jake the same thing I'd told him when I'd gotten back from Italy.

The story was that Alice, while she was here, had been told that He had been in a car accident, and we had gone to LA to see Him in the hospital. He didn't make it, and Alice had taken me back home while her family stayed there, then she had left again to join them.

In reality, she had gone to Denali where the Cullen's all were, and told them what had happened. Charlie hadn't asked for details, he had seen how I broke down every time he said His name, so he had stopped using it.

Since the visit, Jake had called once a day, hoping I would talk to him. I still couldn't, he would never understand my pain.

But he kept calling, and I knew I had to answer sooner or later.

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	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter seven**

**Forgotten Friends**

I was sitting at the kitchen table, staring straight ahead and twisting my hands. I was completely absorbed in my thoughts, I kept going over last night's nightmare again and again. It had been different, and that scared me.

When I had walked towards the cliff, I had expected I would feel His cold fingers interlocked with mine as always. But now, I felt nothing. My hand was empty as I moved, against my will, closer to the edge. I did not want to jump without Him, He had to be there for me. It was like there was some invisible force, pushing me closer and closer until I was standing so near that my toes weren't on the ground anymore.

"No..." I had whispered.

His voice didn't come to me, instead I was alone and about to fall into the black ocean. I didn't want to this time, not when He wasn't here. Because if He wasn't, that meant that He had to be somewhere else, waiting for me. The wind grew in strength just then, making me loose my balance. I fell, screaming His name over and over. Just as I was to hit the surface, I woke up.

I was lying on the floor, curled up into a ball with my hands over my heart. It felt like it had shattered into a million pieces, and I wondered again how many times a heart could break, before the scar tissue became so thick that nothing could ever cut through it again?

I shook my head, trying to get back to the presence. The sun was shining outside the kitchen windows. It felt like it was mocking me, when I was trapped in my eternal black night.

The phone suddenly rang, startling me. Every sound made me jump these days, probably because I was so unaware of everything around me, except for what was in my head.

I don't know why I did it, I didn't even think about it. I just got up and went over to the phone, realizing that I hadn't even touched it in months. After looking at it for a few seconds, I picked it up and answered.

"Hello?" My voice sounded dead, even more so than usual.

"Bella? Oh Bella, it's really you! God, you've gotten me so worried, I haven't stopped thinking about you for one second! Why haven't you returned any of my calls? Charlie told me what happened, of course, so I understand that you haven't felt like talking about it, but I've almost lost my mind over here! How are you honey? Can I come over? I have so much to tell you and you don't have to say a word if you don't want to, but I have some news for you that I really think you should know about."

Jacob talked so fast that the words began to blur, I tried to listen and to think about what he was saying.

He wanted to tell me something. He asked if he could come over.

Could I see him? I didn't know if I wanted to, I didn't want him to see me like this. But I knew I couldn't keep ignoring him, he had been such a good friend to me before. The part I feared the most was if he was going to want more from me, more than friendship. There was no way that would ever happen, the thought was even more absurd now than it had been before… Before the end. I hoped he would understand and respect that.

"Bella? Are you still there?"" Jacob's voice brought me back to the presence, reminding me that he had asked a question and that he waited for the answer.

"Uhm, sorry, Jake, I'm a bit distracted. Yeah, you can come over. Just… Just go easy on me, okay? I'm not in a good place right now."

"I'll be there in 10 minutes, miss you Bella."

He hung up, and I knew he had run outside to phase so he could get here as soon as possible.  
I didn't know how I felt about seeing him. I was just dead, there was nothing left inside of me that could feel joy, excitement or any kind of good feeling. All there was too feel was pain, and more pain.

I was afraid that seeing Jake would remind me of the last time he had been here, before Alice and I went to Italy. My insides churned just by the thought of it, and I realised that I hadn't spoken to Alice since I got home from the hospital. I knew she wanted to give me space, and not force me to be with her if I didn't want to. But I did want to see her; she was the only one who knew everything about what had happened.

I was still holding the phone in my hand, so I dialled her number and waited.

"Bella! I'm so happy you called, how are you? I've been really worried about you." her voice was relieved and compassionate at the same time, I could hear her worry; it rang in every word.

"Hi Alice, I'm so sorry I haven't called you sooner. I've just been..." I trailed off, knowing she would understand.

"It's okay Bella, I know. I'm just glad you decided to get in touch again, I wasn't sure if you would. My vision of you is so strange these days; I can barley see anything that involves you anymore, it's gotten me even more anxious."

There was so much love and affection in her voice, it made my eyes fill with tears. I felt so bad that I hadn't called her sooner.

"Do you want to come over later? Jake is on his way now and you two probably don't want to meet, but can you stop by in an hour or so? I really miss you Alice."

Just as I said those words I realised how true they were; she was my closest friend, and most importantly; she was my connection. If it wasn't for her I wouldn't be able to know if the last year and a half had really happened. I needed her in my life.

"Of course Bella, I'll be there, I promise. And I really miss you too, can't wait to see you."

"Me too, see you in a bit." I answered, and then we hung up.

I could hear footsteps on the porch; they were way too quick to be Charlie, so it had to be…

"Bella!" Jacob called, and then I was in his arms. I had forgotten how warm he was, and big. Could he have grown even more since I last saw him? It seemed impossible but it was probably true.

Jacob held me close for a long time, at first I was holding back, not really hugging him but just standing there. Then I started to shake with all the emotions his embrace made me feel, I couldn't remember the last time someone had held me like this. I could feel the tears streaming down my face, my breath hitched and I was hugging him back, so fiercely that if he had been human, I would have hurt him.

After several minutes, he started to pull away. He looked me over with what I could clearly see was a mix of shock, desperation and sadness.

"Honey, what have you done to yourself? There is almost nothing left of you, and you look so tired?" he stroked my face with one warm hand, and then placed it on my shoulder. I shuddered at his touch; I was always so cold these days and his temperature was unfamiliar to my skin.

I just shook my head, and then looked down to hide my face from his scrutinising gaze.

"I've been a bit of lately."

"That's not even the beginning Bella, and we both know it. Do you want to talk about it?"

"No." I answered immediately; there was no way I could talk about it with someone who hadn't been there. Someone who wasn't Alice. I didn't want to have to think about it right now.

"Okay…" Jacob answered hesitantly. "But Bella you know that I will listen whenever you want to talk, right?"

"I know that Jake, thank you for that."

I remembered that he had told me that he had some news. I couldn't make myself work up the energy to be curios, but I wanted to draw the attention away from me so I decided it was a good idea to ask him about it.

"So, you told me you had some news to share?" I asked, trying not to sound as if I was purposefully changing the subject.

"Oh, right! Yeah, things have… changed a bit here while you've been away."

I could tell that he was holding something from me, something big. It was strange to find that I didn't really care. It didn't matter if he told me or not, there was nothing in the world that could matter to me anymore.

"Could we go sit down in the living room?" he looked nervous for some reason I couldn't, and didn't really try to, understand. We went and sat in the sofa, facing each other. I could feel his eyes on me when I moved, and he was right behind me like he was expecting me to fall down at any moment; which I probably could.

"Okay, so there are two big things that have happened, I should probably start with the most important one, so here it goes." he looked into my eyes, making sure he had my attention.

"We caught her."

I was confused, who was he talking about? Jacob saw the confusion in my face; he wrinkled his forehead like he didn't understand how I could not see who he meant. Just then it hit me; Victoria.

"What? Did you, I mean is she…?" I stumbled over the words, trying to make sense of it.

"Yes, Sam, Paul, me and Jared hunted her down about three weeks ago. She was getting desperate, and she made a mistake which allowed us to gain the upper hand. She's gone, Bella."

Gone. The word sent a wave of pain through me, and I had to force myself not to think about the thing that word reminded me of. Victoria was the one who was gone. I tried to smile, but I don't think I managed any change in my expression. I hadn't smiled in months and it felt like I had forgotten how to do it.

"That's great Jake, really." I thought my voice managed to sound a bit better than just dead, and I hoped he noticed. It was good that they'd caught her, I reminded myself. But at the same time, it felt like it didn't matter. I wouldn't have tried to get away if she would have come for me again. In fact, I would probably have gone looking for her soon if Jacob hadn't told me this.

He just eyed me, not demanding any more answer than that. I knew he could see that I didn't want to talk much. Before he would ask me any questions, I said;

"So what's the other thing you wanted to tell me?"

Jacob didn't answer for a long time, he was looking down on his hands, twisting and untwisting his fingers like he was nervous. Finally, he met my gaze.

"I… Well I have met someone. Or The one, I should say."

This time my mind understood immediately what he was saying. Jacob had found his imprint. His other half. His soul mate. Suddenly more emotions than I had felt in a long time woke up inside of me. Relief, hurt, sadness, envy, loss; it all came crashing down on me. He had found the one he would spend his life with. His only love.

I didn't feel sad because he had found someone else than me, but because I was reminded again of the loneliness that my life was now constructed of.

"Oh, Jake I'm so happy for you. Who is she?" Of course I didn't fool him, my voice and face had no sign of happiness in it. He answered anyway.

"Thanks Bella, that means a lot. Her name is Taylor; she's my sister Becka's best friend's sister. They all came to visit a couple of weeks ago, and well... The rest is history as they say."

He looked at me apologetically for a moment, and when he spoke his voice was full with guilt.

"Bella I'm sorry, I want you to know that I'm always gonna be here for you, no matter what. This doesn't change our friendship, it's just that it makes it clear for me that we are supposed to be just friends, like you've always said."

"I know Jake, and I'm not mad or anything at you for this. I'm glad you found your other half, you deserve to be with someone who truly loves you."

This seemed to ease some of his guilt, and we spoke more freely after. Or rather, Jacob spoke more freely, I just listened. He didn't make me say a word about anything. He was a good friend.

Jake stayed for about an hour, then left after giving me a long, warm hug and ensuring me that he would stop by soon again.

I went upstairs; I needed to lie down for a while before Alice came. I walked over to my window to pull the curtain down. As I stepped on one of the floorboards by the window, it made a creaking sound. I had never noticed that before, so I bent down to examine it further.

The floorboard was loose, so I started pulling at it. It came off easily, and I bent forward to look down into the hole it had covered…

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Could I ask you guys a huuuuge favour? If you read this story, and like it, would you please, please, pretty please leave a review? So many people only read stories that has a large number of reviews, and I would really love if you just left a little sign that you're reading :)

**Reviews are like hearing your favorite, forgotten song on the radio :)**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Sorry that the updates are taking so long. I'm lazy, I can't really come up with any other excuse. But you know I love hearing your thoughts on my stories, that's why I keep posting!**

**Okay. Two more chapters coming up! We have 18 chapters more to go before the end. Hope you'll stay with me!**

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**Chapter eight**

**Finding truth, losing mind**

Words can not describe what I felt when I saw the contents of the open space in my floor. I stared, frozen, at the pictures that I had thought was lost forever. It was really true, it had not been a dream. He had really existed.

With shaking hands, I bent forward and picked up the picture that lay on top. Suddenly, every emotion in my body seamed to be on hold. I was numb; it was like my mind was giving me the time to absorb all this, before the pain began again. I knew that this time it would be worse than ever.

I stared with tear filled eyes at the photo. It was Him, sitting on the chair in our kitchen. His smile was the same one I had tried so hard to hold on to for all this time. It felt like I could sit here forever, seeing nothing but him. If I could choose a faith, that would be it. Slowly my gaze moved to the rest of my hidden belongings; more pictures, the CD-case and airplane tickets.

Why had He done this? Why hadn't He just taken them with Him, or thrown them away? He had left me because He didn't want me, just like He had told me in the forest. Why would He leave this here with me, after promising me that it would be like He had never existed?

I looked once more on the picture of Him, and then looked at the CD instead. Could I do it? Listen to it? It felt like I would break into pieces if I moved so much as an inch, as if I was allowed to still be breathing as long as I sat completely still. I needed my numbness, so I held on to it with everything I had left. And the worst part was that it felt like it would all disappear if I moved or looked away from it.

Before I could make a decision in either direction, I heard a knock on the front door. Knowing it was Alice and that she would probably just let her self in within three seconds, I sat still, staring.

"Bella? What..?" her voice trailed off as she saw me sitting on the floor with the picture of Him in my hand.

Without a word, without a sound she was there, with her cold arms around me. I drew in a breath, trying to find my voice while shaking with sobs.

"Why Alice? Why did He leave this here, why didn't He throw it away instead? He didn't love me anymore, why does this have to hurt so much? I can't take it anymore; I don't want to live without Him any longer. I can't."

With gentle hands, she reached for the picture in my hands. I didn't realise how hard I was gripping it, but of course my strength was nothing compared to hers. She took it from me, and put it down next the other ones. Then she stood, and held her hand out for me to take.

"Bella, come on. We're going to my house; there are a few people there who want to see you. You need to understand something, and I know only one thing that will help."

I looked up into her eyes, they were filled with a determination I had never seen before. There was no point in arguing, so I took her hand and let her pull me off the floor. She put her hand around my waist and more or less carried me out the house and into her car.

I knew where we were going; it was to a place I'd never thought I'd ever see again.

The Cullen's House.

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_I know it's short, that's why you get another one right away!_


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Thank you to everyone who has commented, alerted and faved. If you could just see the smile on my face from when I read your kind words.. I'm grinning like an idiot every time!**

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**Chapter nine**

**Choosing Path**

It felt like I had something icy and sharp in my stomach, it twisted and turned as we drove closer and closer to the Cullen house. I was frozen in my seat, my arms were wrapped around my chest to hold myself together while the pain tore inside of me. The numbness had subsided, leaving space for the pain to creep back and overtake all my senses completely.

Every part of my body hurt, like I had been tortured physically for days without end. I kept seeing His face, it was so difficult to believe that what I had just seen was reality; that He had really existed, and that for a while, He had chosen to been with me.

My mind kept throwing questions at me, I couldn't understand why He had left those things with me. Why had He chosen to go to Italy when He thought I was dead? Was it really guilt? What did His last smile mean, before it turned to an expression of pain? It hurt to think about this, but I couldn't stop myself. I had to know the whole truth before…

"Bella? What was that? I just saw something…" Alice had turned to look at me, with a worried and slightly unfocused expression on her face. I recognized it immediately, and realised I'd just made a serious mistake. I had thought too much on my plan, there had been too many details and too much determination to keep it from Alice's vision. I was overly grateful for whatever it was that made me so difficult for Alice to see right now. If it had been like before, she would have seen… I stopped right there, catching myself before my mind went too far.

"I just saw it again, Bella what are you thinking? What's in La Push that I see you heading for? I can't follow you when you go past the treaty line, but I have a really bad feeling about this. Your not planning on doing something stupid, are you? Like going of somewhere alone while Victoria is still out there?" Alice continued. She was looking at me with a stern expression, like I was a child considering running across a heavily trafficked road.

"I'm not thinking about anything Alice, I'm just considering visiting Jake tomorrow." I lied, hoping she wouldn't see through it.

My lying must have improved a great deal, because she just watched me for a couple of seconds and then nodded, turning her head back to the road. Her face was calmer now, but I could see that she was searching the future by the way her eyes shifted in and out of focus. I didn't have the strength to tell her about Victoria right then, I would do that later.

If later would ever come…

We got to her house in no time at all, leaving me feeling unprepared and most of all scared. What would they say? How would they treat me? And the biggest question, how would Jasper act? My stomach twisted nervously and I suddenly felt nauseas, remembering the last time I'd seen them all. Could I really go through this?

Like she had read my mind, or more likely seen my troubled and pained expression, Alice grabbed my hand and squeezed it for a moment.

"It'll be alright, Bella. They all want to see you, and I think you need this."

I didn't respond, I was so caught up in my thoughts. I didn't even notice when Alice got out of the car, and in the same second opened my door. She held her hand out again, and I took it. I knew I needed help to get out of the car anyway; my body was shaking so hard that I couldn't even walk on my own.

We got to the front door, Alice pulling and at the same time almost carrying me there. I took in a deep breath, and then Alice opened the door.

The first thought that ran through my mind was that nothing had changed, I could see every furniture and painting still being in the same place that it always had. After a few seconds, I realised that there was a fine layer of dust covering every surface around the house. I was confused, knowing Esmee would never allow something like that in her home.

Just like she could read my mind again, Alice smiled a half hearted smile and gave my hand a light squeeze.

"We're not staying; we just thought it would be the best place to meet you. Come, they're all waiting for us in the living room."

She dragged me along holding my hand in a firm grip; I just followed her, my nervousness making me almost paralyzed. We turned around the corner and came into the living room.

My heart stopped beating when I saw them. They were all there, sitting in various places around the room. Esmee was the first to get up and approach me. She walked slowly, for a vampire, and the closer she got the more I could really see her. Something was wrong; she didn't look like I remembered her. She looked… Older. Her entire body was screaming sorrow and pain; it looked weak, like she'd lost all muscles and couldn't really hold her self up. Her face had on a bleak smile; it did not reach her eyes, and I could see the effort it took for her to hold it in place.

"Bella… We've missed you so much, sweetie." Her voice seamed aged too; there was no bell chime, no melody in it. It sounded almost… Human. She hugged me closely for a moment, then let me go. I was unable to speak, there were too many emotions shooting through me, I couldn't think straight.

Carlisle followed and he hugged me as well. He, too, seamed older. The ever present light in his gold eyes were absent, like a brilliant fire burned out.

Emmett, who had once been my brother in so many ways, walked up to me after Carlisle had stepped aside. I almost didn't recognize him at first, because I had never seen him looking so sad and… lifeless. Without that permanent smile on his face, he looked like another person.

After he gave me a hug, that was nothing like the cheerful way he had hugged me before, he walked back to stand next to Rosalie.

This was the part that I, except for seeing Jasper, had feared the most. I didn't know what I would feel when seeing her. Anger, that she had been the one that called Him and therefore was responsible for His actions? Shame, that I had been the reason He had taken Himself from His family? Or sadness because she hadn't had any idea of what her actions would bring?

I felt nothing; I didn't even meet her eyes. I couldn't bear to look into them and see what emotions lay there. Instead, my eyes flickered to the person standing the very farthest from me, across the room.

Jasper was watching me intently, like he was searching for something he expected to find, but couldn't. I met his gaze and he immediately looked away, but not before I could see the pain and confusion in his eyes.

Alice was the one to break the silence.

"Bella, we wanted you to come here today because we all think that there are certain things you need to know to be able to make peace with everything that has happened. Come, sit down with me." she pulled me along towards the sofa, where she sat down next to Emmett. I settled in between to her and Esmee.

"I know I've told you this before, but I think you were so out of it at that point that you probably didn't realise what I was telling you." she looked into my eyes, holding my gaze and making sure she had my full attention.

"Bella, He loved you, really truly loved you. He left you because He didn't want to put you in danger anymore, but He never ever stopped thinking about you. I talked to him a few weeks before…" she took a deep breath, "before Italy, and I've never known anyone in so much pain, except for you right now. I had a vision of Him coming back, like I always knew He would eventually, and I could see that He would have given you this."

She reached forward, picking up a small box that was on the table. My mind was still in shock after hearing the words she'd spoken. I couldn't make sense of it. Had He really never stopped loving me? Had He been on His way home when He'd gotten the call? It was too much to take in at the same time, my mind refused to fully believe her words.

Alice handed me the box, and I took the satin covered case in my hand.

"What…?" I began, but Alice just shook her head.

"Open it Bella, and you'll understand what I'm trying to tell you."

I did as she said; my fingers slowly opened the lid of the little box, and I was now looking down on the most beautiful ring I'd ever seen. I gasped, and carefully stroked my finger tip across the delicate gold web that covered the diamonds beneath.

I understood. Finally, I really accepted what Alice had told me. He had loved me, just like I love Him. More than life itself; He was my every reason for living.

It felt like a veil fell on me, I wasn't aware of my surroundings anymore; I just knew without doubt that my life was coming to an end. Because I now realised that this pain would never cease, it would only keep growing until my body gave out from the exhaustion of trying to stay alive, when every cell in my body wanted to die. There was no point to this life, and I was a fool for dragging this decision out this long.

My mind shut down, the pain overwhelmed me and I lost consciousness. I floated of into nothingness, and welcomed the darkness that would soon enclose me forever.

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_If you like one shots, check out my newest project, "Love Collection" where I gather all the short stories I write. I would love to get suggestions for story lines or if you have a favorite song that you feel could inspire something! _


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter ten**

**Out of time**

My hearing was the first of my senses that returned to me, I could hear a soft murmur somewhere close to me. I listened harder, trying to make out the words. After a few seconds I recognized Jasper voice.

"Alice, it scares me. I can't feel her, it's like she's not even there, like she's… Dead. There are no emotions in her, just… Nothingness."

"I know, and I think that's why I can't see her anymore. She's not really living."

Their voices were filled with sadness, and my heart ached from their words. I knew they were true. I heard Carlisle's speak next.

"I've never seen anyone I so much pain still alive. This can't go on, something has to change."

"What can we do?" Esmee asked.

"I don't know, I talked to Charlie a couple of days ago and he is getting more and more desperate, he can't stand this for much longer, it's killing him; seeing her like this. She's not getting better. He told me that he can still hear her screaming and crying in her sleep just as much as in the beginning, nothing has changed except that it seems she's getting worse. When I got to her today, she was sitting on her floor and had just found the birthday presents that He had hidden under the floorboards. I have never in my whole life seen a person looking so… broken, in so much pain that she shouldn't be able to be alive. I can't explain it; I don't even want to think about it, it hurts too much." Alice's voice was shaking, she sounded so worried and pained that I wanted to get up and comfort her.

"We have to do something, for both hers and Charlie's sake." Carlisle's voice was controlled, but I could hear the sorrow hidden beneath.

"I'll take her home and then we can talk about what to do. Perhaps Charlie could come here so we could all sit down together?" Alice asked.

"That's a good idea, Alice. You drive her home and I'll call Charlie." Carlisle sounded a bit more at ease when having this plan to focus on.

I could hear footsteps coming in my direction. I didn't think they suspected my eavesdropping, if they had, they'd not continued talking like that. I was aware of Alice sitting down next to me where I was laying on the couch. She stroked my hair softly and whispered;

"Bella? Honey, you need to wake up now, I'm taking you home."

I opened my eyes slowly, and saw her sitting there watching me carefully. When I looked around me I noticed all the Cullen's standing around the room, each of them looking at me with various expressions on their beautiful faces. Their concerned looks were more than I could stand at this point, and also; they were too much of a reminder of the one I couldn't be reminded of right now.

So I sat up carefully, looking down on my knees so I wouldn't have to meet their eyes. "Okay, let's go then." I said.

Alice helped me of the couch; I was so weak that I could hardly get up by myself. I was glad she helped me wordlessly so that I wouldn't have to ask her to. I said a silent goodbye to everyone, still not meeting their gazes. Alice held her arm around my waist and led me out the door towards the car.

The drive was quiet, I didn't know what to say and Alice seemed unwilling to force any kind of response from me. I was grateful for that.

We got to my house when the dark had begun to fall; it felt more comforting than the sunlight of this morning. There were no stars tonight, just a black sky. When we walked towards the front door Alice suddenly took my hand and turned me around to face her. She had a sort of begging expression in her face, like she wanted something from me desperately.

"Bella, I need to ask you to do something for me. It's not much, okay? Just, just don't go to La Push tonight, I have a bad feeling of what will happen if you do, so please don't? Can you promise me that?" her voice was urgent; I could see that she was truly worried for me.

"Of course Alice. I'll stay in, I promise." I lied, I hadn't made an exact decision, but I didn't want her to think I had already planned to go to La Push. Even thought her vision for some reason was flawed when it came to my future, I couldn't risk anything.

She watched me for a while longer, and seemed convinced. We began walking again, and when we got to the door she pulled me into a hug. Her little arms held me solidly to her, and I put my arms around her as well. She didn't know it, maybe suspected it but didn't want to think of it, but this could be farewell. A chill ran through me at the thought. I hugged her closer and put my head on her shoulder.

"I love you Bella, I will help you get through this, I promise." she whispered to me.

Guilt overwhelmed me, almost caused me to breakdown and admit my plan to her. I stopped myself though, knowing that I couldn't get through this ever, and that I was hurting everyone I loved by being around much longer.

"I love you too, Alice."

We broke apart and she squeezed my hand before letting it go and turning back to her car. I stared after her, and the pain in my tortured heart seemed to grow even stronger as I watched her walk away.

I made my way into the house and up the stairs. My presents were still in the same place where I'd left them, and my heart ached by the sight. I shoved my hands in my jacket pockets, and found that one of them wasn't empty.

My fingers closed around a small satin covered box. I took it out and looked at it for the second time that night. Alice must have put it there, I thought.

I opened the lid again, but this time I took the ring out and turned it around in my fingers. My ring. The one He had wanted to give me…

I slowly put it on my finger, it fit perfectly. I closed my eyes and let the pain tear inside me for a while. It felt like everything in me had been broken to pieces. Broken beyond repair. There was no hope for me anymore, not without Him. I sank to the floor next to the open hole, and reached out to take the picture of him that lay on top. I looked at it for a few minutes, and then held it against my scattered heart.

"Why… Why did you leave me? I can't live without you, I'm not whole when your not here. I'm dying, I know I am. I'm living on borrowed time, and it's starting to run out now."

I spoke the words out loud, and the silence that followed pierced through me, chilled me to the bones. I was alone, in every sense of the word.

I heard the sound of Charlie's cruiser pulling in onto the drive, and got up to close my door. I couldn't see him now, and I knew that he wouldn't come knocking when he saw that it was closed.

I walked over to my bed then, with the picture in my hand. The ring on my left hand felt so right, somehow. Like a missing piece finally put in place. After I laid my head down on the pillow I closed my eyes. There were no hope of sleeping, but it was easier to remember things when there was nothing but blackness before my eyes.

I went through every second we'd spent together, trying to remember every little detail. I kept doing that until the throbbing in my heart made me unable to breathe anymore. When I opened my eyes, the clock was 3.14.

It was as if it had been meant to be. The time had run out.  
I knew what was coming now, and I didn't feel afraid.  
I felt relief.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter eleven**

**The Letter**

I got out of the bed and walked over to my closet, pulling out a jacket I hadn't used in months. It was the one I'd worn the last time I'd seen Him.

I took one last look around my room; the picture of Him lay on the bed. I walked over there and picked it up. I wanted it with me. When I walked out of my room I closed the door behind me for what would be the last time ever.

Charlie was still asleep; I could hear him breathing heavily from inside his room. I went down to the kitchen, as quiet as possible to avoid waking him. I had decided to leave a note, not a long letter. This was the thing I could not allow myself to think too much on; I had to just go through with it. I had told myself over and over that Charlie would be better of eventually. I knew I would hurt him so much, but I would hurt us both more by continuing this.

In the kitchen I grabbed a pen and a piece of paper.

_"Dad, I love you. Never doubt that, but I can't do this any longer. I'm hurting you as well by staying here. He was my life, and now that He's gone, there is nothing left for me. I am so very sorry for everything, please know that you are the best father I could ever have asked for. Tell mom the same thing, and that I love her. I'm sorry."_

I didn't look at the note after I'd finished writing, I couldn't.

As I walked out the front door, I felt something heavy pressing down on my chest. I tried to breathe normally to keep the panic from taking over, and managed to control it.

The drive to La Push was somehow shorter than I remembered it. It felt like I had barley started driving before I was suddenly there. Part of me felt grateful, that way I didn't have time to think about the things that I had left behind. I drove to the familiar cliff where I'd been that time when everything had changed. It felt right, somehow, that it would all end here.

I parked the truck alongside the road and got out. The wind was strong here, just like in my dream. I pulled my hood up and tucked my hands in my jacket pocket. Then I froze where I stood.

My left hand closed around a piece of paper.

I stopped breathing. How could I have forgotten about this? His letter, the one Alice had given me that day. His last words, the last one's I'd ever have.

I slowly pulled it out from my pocket and unfolded the white paper. There it was, His perfect, elegant script. I took in a deep breath and started reading.

_"To Carlisle, Esmee, Alice, Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie.  
I am hoping that this letter will find its way back to you, that the Volturi will grant me that last favour in spite of what I am planning to do. I am so sorry for the pain my decision will cause you, if I could spare you from the consequences of my actions, I would. But you have to know, and I think you already do from seeing me these last couple of months, that I can not live without her. It would not be any kind of life, just existence. My life will never be worth anything ever again, and I can not continue to be, knowing she's no longer here. I always knew that, from the moment I realised that I love her. I will follow her into death, which is the only place left for us to be together and whole again. She was my sun, my entire reason for living. I love you, my dear family. Thank you for the time I have gotten to spend with you, take care of each other and know that I am in a better place now. "_

The tears were streaming down my face, dripping onto the letter and leavings wet spots behind. I wiped them away from my cheeks with the back of my hand. The wet made the icy wind feel even colder against my exposed skin. I folded the letter carefully and then tucked it back into my pocket. Reading it had only made me more sure of my decision. He had chosen to end His life when He had thought I had died, only to be with me in the after life. He was waiting for me there, and I would not linger anymore. Soon I would see Him again, and I would be whole once more.

The wind picked up in strength, and I looked up towards the sky. It was utterly black, but I could see a light in the distance. It looked like a meteor, falling from the sky. I turned my eyes to my left hand, were my ring was still in its place. The pain from loosing Him was heavier now than it had ever been, impossible as it seemed. Maybe because I could now see what would have been our future so much clearer, knowing He had never stopped loving me.

_I had been His sun_, I thought. But now I was dying, a dying sun.

My feet started moving towards the cliff's edge.

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**Love hearing from you :)**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: This is it. Grab hold of something and let's continue our little journey..**

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**Chapter twelve**

**Alive**

_Edward's Point Of View_

It had been two months, 1 week, 3 days, 7 hours, 49 minutes, and 12 seconds since I'd last seen Her.

Bella.

Her name was like air, it filled every cell of my body with love and devotion; made my still heart feel like it could start beating again.

I turned over on my side in the darkness. I was lying on a bed, in the same isolated room where I'd been for the past two months. The walls were empty; there were no furniture in the room except for the bed. I imagined that this place had been used for a human prisoner before me, because no vampire needed a bed or any other facilities really. We only needed one thing; blood.

I thought once again of the reason I was locked up here; Aro's greed.

He had tried desperately to hide his craving to have me in his guard that time when I first saw him. I could only sense a longing, not the determination to go through with it. When I had decided to expose myself in the sunlight, I had known that they would come for me; that was the plan. But I had never thought that Aro would lock me up, in an attempt to persuade me to join them.

And more importantly, I had never thought that She would be there, alive. Not dead, like Rosalie had told me. My Bella, She was alive and She was there right in front of me, screaming my name in panic. Just as I had realised that She wasn't a hallucination, Felix had broken my neck, causing me to momentarily lose consciousness. I had been taken under ground, and I had smelled the scent of burned vampire. I had no idea of who it had been that the Volturi had sacrificed in order to make Alice think they had killed me, and I can't say that I cared. Whoever it was, it had been enough to convince her that I was dead. They had taken my shirt and my letter as well, so it must have looked believable.

There was one in the guard, Damon, who had an ability I'd never heard of before. He could cut of all connection to a person, make him or her impossible to get to by any of the vampire skills. That meant that Aro couldn't read my thoughts, Jane couldn't hurt me and Alice couldn't see my future. Aro had been willing to sacrifice his ability to read my mind in exchange for keeping Alice out. Jane had been extremely disappointed, and made no effort to hide it. I wouldn't have cared if she had hurt me, because nothing could ever hurt more than the pain that burned me from the inside. Damon's power also made me unable to read other peoples thoughts, and that was an inconvenience. It left me in the dark, not knowing what Aro planed to do with me if his attempt to turn me into one of them failed.

Those thought was always in the background though, my only constant thought was of Bella. There was not a second gone by that I didn't think of Her, or saw Her beautiful face before my eyes. I remembered every detail of our time together, and I thought of it over and over. It was like a movie, playing constantly in my mind.

Where was She now? Had She understood why I had decided to end my life, or did She still believe that I didn't love Her? That thought hurt so much, I couldn't think of it. Alice must have told Her the true reason I'd left Her, I couldn't imagine anything else. But then, how was She now? Had She moved on before She had heard of my planned suicide? Was there someone else there for Her now, comforting Her when I was gone? And the most important question; did She still love me?

The way She had looked that last time I'd seen Her in the alley told me She did, but I still couldn't be sure. If I ever got out of here, would She take me back? After all that I had put Her through, could She still love me? My dead heart ached at the possibility that She no longer did.

I was weak, Aro had planned to undermine my willpower by more or less starving me until I gave in. Two months without blood. I had never gone that long before. It would have been interesting to see how my body reacted, if it hadn't been for the desperation that grew stronger and stronger each day. And not desperation for blood, but for returning to Her. That instinct was so much stronger than any other; it overtook my other senses completely and made me able to still keep my thoughts reasonably straight. Aro was disappointed about that, since he hadn't expected that I would last this long.

I had been locked up in this room too long; my only contact with the outside world came from Aro, who visited me every day to question me of my state of mind. I hadn't tried to attack him, because there was no point. He was older, more experienced and most important; he had his entire guard waiting outside. Every day he would ask me if I'd had a change of heart, and every day I would give him just one look that would have sent a human running and screaming for their life. Of course, Aro only smiled slightly and shock his head in disappointment. Then he left, closing the door behind him.

So when he entered my small room that day, I assumed that he would follow his normal pattern. I was surprised to see that his guard wasn't with him. Did he really think I'd gotten too weak to try to escape when an opportunity was given? Maybe he had underestimated my desperation to get back to Bella, and had made a fatal mistake on his part. I wished I could hear his mind, but as long as Damon was nearby that was impossible. My body automatically started to prepare for a fight. I didn't care how many centuries older he was, my instinct to get home to Bella filled me with enough strength to kill him right then and there.

Aro could obviously sense my resolve, because he held up both his hands as if to calm me.

"Please, my dear friend. There is no need for fighting; I have come to tell you that you are free to leave. Clearly there is no way I can convince you to stay with us, but I'm hoping that you have changed your mind about forcing our hand? I feel so strongly against killing you, it would be such a waste! So go home to your family, and please don't hold a grudge towards me for this, I have only done what is required of me. We have to have the best in our family, so you understand that I simply had to try to convince you to stay. But like I said, you may leave now." he had an odd expression on his face; a mixture of disappointment and satisfaction. It looked as if he was a school teacher, telling a trouble making student that he may leave detention. Glad to see him go, but sorry that he couldn't change him.

I didn't even say a word as I stood up and walk past him, I had just one thought in my mind and that was to get home, right now.

No one bothered to look at me as I made my way through the ancient castle hallways, I saw Jane from the corner of my eyes, looking very displeased.

I knew the second I got too far for Damon's power to reach me. The silence that had been in my head for the last couple of months was suddenly filled with a hundred different voices. I had never been to glad to hear them.

I made my way through Voltera as quick as possible while remaining inconspicuous to human eyes and then stole the first car I could get my hands on outside the city walls. I broke all possible traffic laws as I raced to the airport, and when I arrived I walked straight past the queue to the ticket sale stand. I must truly have looked like a vampire, because not one person dared to object to my behaviour. The girl behind the desk didn't say a word, I could hear from her racing heartbeat that she truly feared me. She never looked into my eyes, which were now pitch black from the absent of blood. Lucky for her, she got me a seat on the next plane.

From there, there was nothing to do but wait. It felt like things were moving in slow-motion, the flight seemed to take days rather than hours.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, I was at the airport in Seattle. I went straight to the car rental that was attached to the airport. While I was racing down the street at top speed I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. I had been given a jacket from Aro, since they had taken my shirt that time, but I hadn't realised he had put my phone in there. I guess I hadn't bothered to look, that's why I hadn't noticed it until now. I took it out, already knowing who it would be.

"Alice, where is she?" I asked before she had time to say anything

"I can't believe it, you're alive! Oh God, how did this happen? I couldn't see you anymore; I was so sure that-"

"Alice, where is Bella?" I cut her off, there would be time for explanations later but right now I had just one thing to do.

"I was just with her, she's…" Alice trailed off, and then whispered "Edward, I'm seeing…" her voice sounded that way it always did when she had her premonitions. When she spoke again her tone was different, no longer happy or relieved but stressed.

"I can't see her, I mean she disappears. I see her writing something on a note and then she goes to La Push, but I can't follow her there. I haven't been able to see her clearly these past months, but I can now. She has made a decision, she's going to La Push but I don't see her coming back. You have to hurry; I had a really bad feeling after seeing her today. I think she's going to do something to herself."

I didn't even respond, I shut the phone and pushed the car even faster.

I had to get there in time.

* * *

_Didn't see that one coming, huh? Now one is alive and kickin', but what about the other one? She tried to save him, and now I guess it's his turn. _

_I would love to hear from you. I'm having some problems with my writing right now, so reviews are always appreciated since they help me stay motivated. Thank you all so much for commenting and fave'ing!_


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter thirteen**

**On the edge**

_**Bella's point of view**_

I looked down over the cliffs edge. The water was night black, but somehow, it didn't scare me. I had come to appreciate the dark so it felt comforting. I remembered the last time I had been here, and the reason behind it. I had wanted to hear His voice, to feel like He still cared for me. Now I knew that He had, and I guessed that the hallucinations I'd had was my subconscious trying to tell me that He still loved me. I expected that I would hear His voice now, here at the end of everything. I could ask that much of my hallucination, couldn't I?

I allowed myself to think about Him, not holding anything back this time. I remembered our first touch, the first kiss, the first time He'd told me He loved me. Every little memory that I had stored in the back of my mind, preserved in perfect detail for this moment.

Edward…

I had tried so hard not to think His name since He had died. No one in my presence had used it, knowing what it did to me. I could feel the hole in my chest growing, like someone was cutting straight through my heart with an old rusty knife. It hurt so badly that my knees gave out, and I suddenly had my cheek pressed against the cold ground. I screamed out loud, my throat started to burn but I didn't stop for a long time. My arms were clutched around my chest, desperately trying to hold myself together. The pain was just too much, I couldn't live with it for one more minute. I couldn't live without Him any longer.

My screaming stopped, and I let my arms fall to the ground by my sides. It felt like I had broken a rib from grasping around myself with such force, I was so thin and weak now that the slightest pressure would injure me. I stood up carefully, and the pain in my ribs increased. Definitely broken. It didn't matter though, because soon my entire body would be as broken as my heart had been for too long now.

I was standing only inches away from the edge now, just one step and it would all be over. The pain, the nightmare, the aching in my heart and the longing for someone who would never be here again. It would all be gone.

I closed my eyes, and waited for His voice to reach me, to give me reassurance that He was waiting for me.

"Bella…"

I smiled slightly. It was even better than in my dream. I held out my hand, waiting for His cold fingers to lace with mine as they always did.

The sensation when he skin touched mine was unbelievable, not like anything I had ever felt in my dreams. It was like electricity flowing through me, warming my frozen body and healing me.

Much, much better than dreaming.

I raised my foot to take the final step, at peace now that He was with me. But His hand held me back, and suddenly it was all too real.

I slowly opened my eyes and looked down on my hand, realizing that it was no longer empty…


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter fourteen**

**Heartbeat**

_**Edward's point of view**_

I drove through Forks at a deadly speed, for humans that is, and made it to La Push within minutes. I knew exactly where the treaty line was, but there was no treaty in the world that could keep me away from here at this point. If I didn't make it, I'd be glad to have the wolves take care of me.

The road had too many curves, I was forced to slow down to be able to turn when it did. That did not suit me. I didn't even stop the car to get out, I just opened the door and jumped. The car kept driving straight ahead, until another bend came and it crashed into a tree beside the road. By this time I had already run past it. My speed was faster than ever, I didn't feel any of the former weakness anymore. If I was a human, the blood in my veins would have been pulsing with adrenaline; I didn't know what the equivalence was for vampires but I could sure feel it. Nothing in the world could make me stop now; I knew exactly where She was heading. It was like I could read Her mind, I didn't even think about it. There was only one place where She could be.

Suddenly, my former thought was proven wrong. Something could make me stop.

It was a scream. A loud, heart shattering cry of the deepest agony and despair I had ever encountered in my entire existence. It went straight through my core, and it felt as if it would break my heart in to a million pieces. My own pain was echoed in that sound, I could sense the same devastating hurt that had been locked inside of me for over nine months now. It tore my insides apart, and filled me with the darkest sorrow any human or vampire had ever felt. It was what death would sound like, if you could hear it. A feeling nothingness crept up on me while I head it, like a veil falling down on me and closing off all emotions except the feeling of complete loneliness. I couldn't imagine a more terrifying sound.

I had been standing still for 3 seconds before I was able to start moving again. The only reason I was capable to keep going was because I knew that voice. Distorted as it was by agony, I could still recognize it.

My Bella.

I followed the sound of Her cries, it was still echoing through the enclosing forest. I was not far from Her now, in only a matter of seconds I would see Her. I prayed that I would not be too late.

The trees began to thin, and I could see the shape of the cliff 300 yards away.

And there, standing straight in front of me, was Bella. I pushed myself forward even faster as I could see Her moving closer and closer to the edge.

When I was just two steps behind Her, I stopped. She hadn't heard my approach, that was clear. I couldn't believe the emotions coming to life inside me, it was like I was waking up from a real life nightmare with no memory of the pain or the sorrow that had hunted me.

I took a step to the side to see Her face; the face that had been behind my eyelids ever since I first saw Her, the face that gave me such peace and the one I loved above everything in the entire universe. She had her eyes closed, and there were dark circles beneath them. Her skin was whiter than bone; there was no colour at all in Her cheeks. They had lost their lovely roundness and Her body was incredibly frail and weak.

She was still the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. My heart seemed to swell with the love and devotion that grew bigger and bigger inside my chest as I watched Her face. All the broken pieces in me were back in place.

Her expression was peaceful, yet expecting. She looked like She was just waiting for something that She knew would soon come.

"Bella…" I spoke Her name out loud, and the way it sounded healed me in places I hadn't known was broken.

She smiled slightly, holding out Her hand in my direction. She still hadn't opened her eyes. I didn't want to scare Her, because She must think that She was dreaming. So I slowly took Her outstretched hand, lacing my fingers with Hers. Feeling Her impossibly soft and warm skin against mine was like nothing else, I could swear that in that moment, my dead heart made a beat. Electricity flowed through me, warming and reviving every part of my body and soul.

She raised Her foot over the edge, still thinking that it was all a dream and that I would let Her fall. I grasped Her hand more tightly, making her stop mid-step.

She opened Her eyes slowly, looking down on our hands. I could both hear and feel Her heartbeats pick up. She gasped once and then raised Her head and met my gaze…

* * *

Reunion! Finally! Don't you just love it? :)


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter fifteen**

**As One**

_**Bella's point of view**_

I slowly looked up, terrified, had I pushed my hallucinations too far? Had my mind finally snapped? The hand in mine felt too real, like nothing I could ever have made up.  
My gaze moved from His hand and up, over his black jacket, his bare chest and then his neck, before I finally saw His face. Those lips, those perfect cheekbones, that impossibly beautiful nose and lastly, His eyes.

I fought against the shock and panic that tried to shut down my consciousness and make me faint. I could not believe that this was real. It couldn't be; He had died. He had been killed by the Volturi two months ago, Alice had seen it. So, this must be a really convincing dream.  
But how? None of my hallucinations or dreams had ever been this real. I could still feel his cold hand in mine, sending electricity through me and reviving every part of my broken body.

"Bella? My love, I am here now. You are not dreaming, I will explain everything to you."

I couldn't respond. I just stared, frozen and overwhelmed by the sight in front of me. My heart had stopped beating, and I seemed to have forgotten how to breathe. My mind kept asking the same question; how?

He placed his other hand on my cheek, still holding my gaze. I watched unmoving as He slowly bent forward, closing the distance between our faces. Just before his lips met mine, He whispered to me, "I'm here, Bella…"

His lips against mine made my heart start beating again; my entire body was alive in ways that it had not been for over nine months now. I could it feel as all the broken pieces that I was made up by found their place back to where they belonged. The hole in my heart was gone, with not even a scar left after the break. He brought His hand down from my face and wrapped it around my waist, pulling me tightly against Him. Our lips moved together in the same familiar and amazing way they used to, remembering everything. My right hand moved up His back to His neck, locking Him to me in an unbreakable grasp, even for a vampire. The numbness and loneliness that had been my life for the last months were gone, replaced by warmth, love and absolute devotion. I realised that this was no dream, this was real. He was here, alive, loving me with such force that I could feel it emanating from every inch of Him.

I don't know how long we stood there at the cliffs edge; it could have been hours, days, weeks or even years. Time didn't matter; the only thing that mattered was that He was here with me.  
I could feel His lips turn into a smile, and He gently let go of my waist, pulling back to look me in the eyes. The only reason I let go of my hold on Him, was because I needed to look into His eyes as well.

They were pitch black, just like the ocean beneath us. Still, they smouldered and dazzled me more than ever before. I took the time to really look at His face now, and it felt like something icy twisted in my stomach when I took in His appearance.

He looked like me, like what I had seen when I had caught my reflection in the mirror in the hospital. Only His eyes were really alive, the shadows under them were almost black, and His skin was even more pale than usual. His lips were still smiling that beautiful crooked smile, it made my knees shake and my breathing to stop for a few seconds.

I realised that I still hadn't spoken; the way He looked at me made me aware that He was waiting for me to. I drew in a big breath of air, and then spoke His name out loud for the first time since the day I had lost Him.

"Edward." My heart seemed to swell to double size, my voice was nothing like the dead sound it had been before; it was filled with all the love I felt for Him, I knew that He would know just from that one word all the things I couldn't say right now.

His smile became bigger, His eyes even more smouldering, then He leaned forward to press His lips against mine once more. When we parted he put His forehead against mine and looked deep into my eyes.

"I love you, Bella."


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter sixteen**

**With You**

_**Edward's point of view**_

"I love you." I spoke the words and looked deep into those warm brown eyes that I had missed for too long now. I got lost in them; it was like I could see straight into her soul. There was no other place in the world that I would rather be than here, with the love of my life in my arms.

Bella looked back into my eyes, with the same expression on her face that I knew was on mine. The face of absolute commitment, of the deepest love ever known to both humans and vampires. I felt so warm, so complete. There was nothing missing in my life when I had her here, safe in my arms. I swore to my self in that moment that I would never leave her side again. Nothing could ever take her away from me ever again.

Bella reached up on her toes and kissed me passionately once more, and the feelings that course through me was so strong that I had to remind my self not to hold her too tightly. I never wanted to let go of her, didn't want her to move one inch from me.

She had begun the kiss this time, and she ended it by softly pulling away. She kept her hands around my neck, and our faces were still so close that I could feel her warmth all over my features. She smiled the most beautiful smile I've ever seen, and then stroked my cheek with her hand.

"I love you, Edward. Always have, always will." she whispered, tears flooding down her cheeks, "I can't continue to be when you are not with me, you've captured my entire heart and soul, and that will never change."

It was like she had read my mind, the words she'd spoken were the same that I was about to speak. I smiled and pulled her impossibly closer to me, kissing down her neck and breathing in her sweet scent. My hand traced down her arm to hold her left hand in mine.

My fingers traced something smooth and hard on finger, a ring I realized, I took her hand and raised it to my eye level. Both shock and happiness overwhelmed me when I saw that she was wearing my ring, the one I had planned to give to her one day. Alice must have seen that and decided to give it to her, I guessed. I was a bit disappointed that I didn't get to present it to her myself, but that feeling was overruled by the joy that she had chosen to wear it. I smiled a big smile at her and raised one eyebrow.

Bella blushed and smiled sheepishly, and then she laughed softly. "Alice gave it to me today, she said that you would have wanted me to have it." she looked down and continued in a low voice "I mean you can have it back if you want, I just wanted it with me when..." she didn't finish, but I knew what she meant.

I was baffled by the way she seemed so unsure of what I would want. Could she really think that I wouldn't want her to wear the ring? How far off she was, I couldn't believe that she still doubted my love for her. I laughed a little, and then kissed her hand. Bella looked up with a somewhat confused but relieved expression. It made me laugh even more as I lowered her hand and softly kissed her cheek instead.

"Silly Bella," I chuckled, "Nothing would make me happier than if you would want to keep the ring."

I kissed her other cheek and then raised her left hand again.

"Although, do you mind giving it back to me for a few seconds? I would really like to do this the right way." I winked at her, and she seemed surprised but she quickly did what I asked.

She slid the ring of her finger and gave it to me. I held her gaze as I got down on one knee, still holding her left hand in mine. She had a big smile on her lips and looked so adoring that I almost got up again and swept her up in my arms.

_Restrain yourself_, I said to myself.

I looked deep into her eyes and spoke. "Isabella Swan, I promise to love you forever. Every single day of forever. Will you marry me?"

I could see more tears beginning to form in her eyes, she seemed to be speechless so she just nodded as the tears spilled over and trickled down her cheeks. I smiled bigger and slowly slid the ring back in place. Then I couldn't restrain myself any longer, so I swept her up quicker than I thought was possible and kissed her lovingly for a long, long time.

When we broke apart we both stared into each others eyes, wordlessly communicating and saying all the things that words couldn't even begin to express. She was mine, and I was hers. Forever.

My heart was so filled with joy and love, I had nothing but her in my thoughts. But then slowly, when I started thinking of our future together, I remembered the existence of my family, soon to be our family. I missed them so much, and I knew I needed to see them right away. I couldn't stand to think of the pain they had been going through these last couple of months.

"Bella, what do you say to going home to my house? I can explain everything to you all at once, and we can tell them our news."

She nodded again and pressed herself closer to me, whispering in my ear. "I will follow you anywhere, Edward. I love you."

My heart made another beat.

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I love comments. Just wanted to throw that in there :)


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